Rindu

Abah.

"Nanti Ajan dah besar Ajan nak bawak Abah dengan Mak pegi Mekah!"

Tapi Abah yang bawak Ajan pergi Mekah dulu. Dulu-dulu, masa tu kita boleh naik Bukit Safa dan Bukit Marwah. Masa Abah cukur rambut atas Bukit Marwah. Belum sempat Ajan bawak, Abah dah pergi dulu.

"Nanti Ajan dah besar Ajan nak belikan Abah kereta dengan rumah"

Tapi Abah pergi sebelum Ajan mampu beli rumah. Beli kereta pun tak mampu, bila dah mampu bayar instalment, Mak bagi duit untuk bayar down payment. Duit yang Abah tinggalkan. Malu, dah besar pun pakai duit Abah lagi.

"Nanti Ajan dah besar Ajan I want to make you proud of me"

Tapi Ajan tak sempat habis belajar pun lagi, Abah dah pergi. Ajan tak sempat tunjuk Abah scroll Ajan. 

Sekarang Ajan ada Mak je. Tapi Ajan belum bawa Mak pergi umrah, Ajan tak belikan Mak kereta, Ajan tak tau lah if I have made Mak proud of me. I don't even know if I have made Mak happy. If I have done enough for Mak. InsyaAllah boleh bawa Mak pergi umrah, tapi kereta mak dah beli sendiri dah. 

Mak nampak sedih nowadays. I can see it in her eyes everytime I go home, Abah. Mak always tells me about this one thing, tapi Ajan tak tau nak tolong Mak macam mana dah. I can only lend her my ears, even then, I always tell her, "Dah la Mak, Mak doa je la Mak." Bukan Ajan taknak dengar, Bah, tapi I don't want Mak to keep dwelling on it sebab I can see it's affecting her. It's eating her up. I want Mak to just let it go. 

Bah, Ajan rindu Abah. Memang la Mak ada. Tapi Mak, Mak la. Ajan nak Abah. Mak needs you too. 

We all need you.