Happy Father's Day! Part II

In 2001, I was offered that scholarship to RPI. Abah was thrilled.  Only that, I wasn’t. You see, that time, Abah had suffered a few heart attacks already. I was scared of anything that might happen. I wanted to reject that scholarship. But abah said, “Kalau Ajan risaukan abah, tak payah. This is your future. Abah will be fine.” He insisted that I take the scholarship.

Because making abah happy mattered to me more than anything, I took the scholarship. A few months after that, in between a few heart attacks and hospital stays, everything was fine.

Until June 2001.

 Abah was admitted to IJN. The doctors gave the OK for abah to do his bypass surgery, and scheduled it on the 11th June 2001, I think at 10 in the morning.I might be wrong.

11th June 2001, 955 in the morning, we accompanied abah to the surgery room. As he was being pushed into the room, Abah smiled and waved at us. He said, see you soon.

Only that, we didn’t.

Abah didn’t regain consciousness after the surgery. The doctors said it was because of multiple organ failures, but I didn’t care. It didn’t make any difference to me if Abah didn’t wake up.

On the morning of 14th June 2001, I remembered sitting next to the unconscious abah, talking to him. Asking him to wake up. I said, “Abah, bangunla, Bangunla. Ajan nak cakap dengan abah.” But he never did. When I went out, my brothers said that Abah could hear my voice and that I was depressing him, the said they knew because abah’s heart beat went down. I got scared, I didn’t wanna depress him anymore so I stopped seeing him and waited outside for the whole day.

At 9 pm of 14th June 2001, the doctor called us all, mak and the siblings, all into the ICU. We were all standing around abah. I didn’t know what the doctor said, I was too scared and nervous I didn’t know what to think. All I know remember is, the next thing I saw was that flat line on the screen.

Abah has gone.

And I felt like the whole world came down crashing on me. My Abah has left me. I cried and cried and cried for days. The saddest thing is, Abah passed on Thursday, I had just bought a Father's Day card for abah the previous Saturday. I still have the card now.

People said I got really thin many weeks after that. Believe me, that was the most painful feeling I had ever gone through in my whole life. I felt like my world has ended. Previously, I studied really-really hard to see that smile on abah's face, to see his proud face whenever he delivers the hadiah tahunan to me (he was PIBG's chairman for quite a few years and usually he'll get the honor to deliver the hadiah for top students). But life must go on.


Now, 9 years have passed. I had graduated from RPI, I have a steady job that pays my bills, I have a perfect husband, I have an adorable son, I have a wonderful family around me.

But Abah is not around to see how much I have achieved. To meet my son. I bet if he were around my son would adore him as much as I did. But I guess he’s watching me from above, and if he really is, I know he’s proud of me. =)

Happy Father’s Day, Abah.

that's our last raya picture together, before abah left us for good

Comments

iL4na said…
touching nye baca entry ni. and ajan now i know u're abah's girl. fotostat abes ok muka. happy father's day to ach too.
i cried while reading this...
nangis jugak..uwaa....so touching..
i still remember the moment u called me to tell your arwah abah is gone...i hardly hear your voice..
Wafaa said…
I cried tapi terpaksa cover sb kat office. I refused to write about father's day and my late dad's birthday a few days ago. I want to but I can't. These fingers will be freezing and paused for a few minutes.

Al-Fatihah to your dad.
beba said…
sgt touching..aku ingat lagi malam yg aku call ko tu..tp aku tak reti nak cakap pe..huu..

al-fatihah to your abah..

cam nak nangis..tp tahan2..hehe..
yumyum said…
a touching entry indeed. thank you ajan for reminding us to appreciate people you love while you can. thank you.
sedih baca this post... cant recall tho if u actually called me, but i was aware about it..
hmm takpelah jan.. all this while, believe you've made him proud :) sedekah alfatihah k

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