aku rasa la kan...orang2 kat RPI ni..dah takde kerje dah nak buat..professor2 dia sume mmg takde kerje..asyik suruh orang buat HW je kerje dia...HW exam HW exam..cam aku takde bende lain je nak buat...isy ni yang aku pressure nih..kang aku pi bom RPI ni karang tade tempat nak blaja laks aku ni..kang dia antar aku kat U lain takmo la aku...isy....pressurenya!!!kan best kalau aku ade doraemon ke..yang bley berenti masa..so bile2 aku nak study..aku study je la..tapi masa tak bergerak..haa best kan??kire kalau aku tanak buat HW..kol 9 pagi pon aku ley buat HW yang due 10 pagi tapi aku suh doraemon berentikan masa tu..so that aku amek 80 jam utk buat HW tu pon takpe sbb masa tak jalan...muahaha!!
Posts
JUNE
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced
by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots
of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating,
tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the
best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves
to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative.
Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends.
Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt.
Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up.
Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand
conscious. Executive. Stubborn. "
hehe..that's wat i found in my notice board kat frenster...okay lets analyze one by one..
Thinks far with vision,Able to show character -yea rite!
Easily influenced by kindness,Polite and soft-spoken,Easily hurt,Easily bored,Fussy,Seldom shows emotions,Stubborn - so very me..
Having lots of ideas,Active mind - never!!
Hesitating, tends to delay - ooo dem dem betulnya!!!
Choosy and always wants the best - me me me me!!...
Di Mana kan Ku Cari Ganti
Hendak ku nangis
Tiada berair mata
Hendak ku senyum
Tiada siapa nak teman
Kalaulah nasib
Sudah tersurat
Begini hebat
Apa nak buat
Di mana kan ku cari ganti
Serupa dengan mu
Tak sanggup ku berpisah
Dan perhati patah, hidup gelisah
Alangkah pedih rasa hati
Selama kau pergi
Tinggalku sendirian
Tiada berteman dalam kesepian
Dunia terang menjadi gelita
Cahaya indah tiada bergema
Keluhan hatiku membawa derita
Kini kau jua tak kunjung jelma
Di mana kan ku cari ganti
Mungkinkah di syurga
Untuk kawan berduka
Menangis bersama, selama-lamanya
-Tuan Haji Mustafa Albakri b. Putih-
April 1st 1939 -June 14 2001
suddenly..this morning i really miss him...i know he'll never come back in my life but i really2 miss him..i know i'lll never be able to see him again..at least not in this world...it's been quite a while since i last dreamt of him..i really2 miss you abah..a lot...
hmm tiba tiba aku rasa macam kan..aku je lelebey...tensi la aku ni..cam aku je lebey gedik2 feeling2 tapi orang len tak rase ape pon??hehehe..cam menten macho..asal aku takle menten macho aa?tensi la tensi...aku tau salah sbnrnye ape aku rase tapi aku nak rase jugak korang ley wat pe kan kalau aku dah rase?tapi seriously aku memang rase macam tu la...cam aku suke lebey2 laks padahal orang len takde la seexcited aku..hehehe..malu malu..lalalalala~~~blueks!
PART II - A DISCOVERY ABOUT ME AND MY STYLE
before this...aku pernah ade a few boyfriends...haha..taknak aa kata aku player ke ape tapi dalam journey hidup aku mase nak sampai ke umur aku sekarang aku dah ade a few boyfriends la...sume tu boyfriends tak serious aku rase..sume puppy love..when i think i've discovered the meaning of true love but actually tak pun mengarut je sume i love yous tu...it always took me some time to say the big L word,and when i've started saying it it doesnt come out often.....i always have this stupid philosophy..."nak buat ape cakap love2 ni awal2 and selalu2..tak payah pun...nanti die tak appreciate dah kalau aku slalu sangat cakap love2 ni..karang die tak heran karang.."well..it's not stupid actually, i believe there's some truth in it...ye la kan kalau aku asyik cakap je aku LOVE die nanti die tak heran dah...betulkan???one ex of mine pernah macam excited gila,ala2 thrilled gile bile aku cakap i love you kat dia satu hari tu m...
aarrrgghhh geramnyaa!!!aku dah type style panjang giler alih2 takle publish laks..error on page dia kate..penat siut aku type pepanjng!!dier ade tanyer la aku nak save ke tak post tadi tu tapi aku tak tau maner nak trace balik mende alah yang aku dah save tuh..mengong laa wey aku tak ingat dah aper aku tulis...dier biler tulis first time tu best tau..tapi biler dah kene tulis bende yang almost the same for second time sumpah la rase tak best langsung!!!isy emo aku macam ni..anyways..aku sekarang baru bangun tido..tadi kol 8..lepas aku dah siap akunyer physics...aku tertido..sebab aku ngantuk giler..then aku tertido secara tak sedar dirinyer aku bangun pukul 130 pagi..dem dem....terlajak laks..ngantuk siut tapi aku kene menabahkan diri utk bangun...rase bersalah laks tak bangun aku tak study aper lagi ni..physics rabu and COCO aku pulak macam ntah ape2 je..aku tak paham ape aku blaja ni..dem dem..buck up la ajan wey!
hmm...aku ade la element2 geram tau..tiap kali aku marah je kan...sur...
times like this..aku rasa pressured...it's always not fair to me..kenapa my wish and my choice are often not respected?there're all kinds of people dalam dunia ni and not all of them are lucky to be given such an opportunity like what others had been given...different people too..have different ways of keeping themselves occupied...it doesnt make them losers if they dont share the same lifestyles as others or as what others expect them to have.I just dont get it...putting them on a same row of things doesnt make them exactly like each other...that doesnt make them of equal importance to me..being in the same list doesnt make each other the same..i have my own lifestyles,my own group of friends which i do admit very much different from yours but that doesnt mean you have to look down upon mine..sorry i tried to do this face to face but i cant...everytime i would end up being speechless and clueless...as much as i really wanna say it,i chose to keep quiet and keep everything bott...
ola...i'm in pyhsics class...not feeling very well lah...and so bery2 bz also this weekend...princess isabel is reportedly heading this way to Troy..dunnolah..but this morning masa nak pergi sekolah the sky was dark as hell angin kuat gila and siap ujan2 lagi...and i missed the last bus b4 8...if not because of the quiz,i would cancel my thought of going to class..haha dramaticnya..anyways, i walked to RAHPS and got on a shuttle to sage...arrrived 5 mins late and the quiz had already started...damn soklan cam siut...ngan nimbalka tu ntah ape2 ntah...i think he has a really bad temper...sometimes he'd yell...to whom i dunno but that really doesnt grab my interest to stay focused..and everybody else too..muahaha..siut la nimbalka ni..menyusahkan orang..
ola..aku rasekan..library ground floor ni dah tak best as it used to be la..space dah makin kurang...sape la suro buat meje bulat2 tu..kalo ade internet connetion takpe le jugak ni takde..kan dah susah idop aku nak dapat connection...hmm..anyways,hari ni aku kembali happy...sis and bros agreed to pay for the ticket first..so i'm going home this winter..hoye hoye!!tq tq tq!!!sukenye...ehehe..malam tadi aku masuk website bal @ suhaimi ramly ..adek kak aini..haha..aku rase dier bakal menubuhkan persatuan "anti-peace" tak pun "anti-dunia" la aku rase..keje nak kondem je..haha..tapi aku rase ade jugakla truth in some of ape yang dier cakap..mmg ade wujud manusia dalam dunia ni yang poyo and perasan bagus..maybe ade orang rase aku termasuk dalam golongan ni but i dont give a damn..lantak korangla..manusia2 poyo and perasan bagus ni patut dihukum gantung sampai mati je..muahaa..tapi takpe selagi derang tak susahkan aku tak kacau idop aku aku tak peduli..korang buat la...
i dont have the mood to talk to anybody...i dunno y...i was as usual when ach left for work but then soon after that i fell into a bad mood..wat exactly happened i'm not sure..i should be studying for COCO quiz but i cant even concentrate...i dont know what triggered this feeling but i really2 have no mood now..call me a moody,gloomy,boring,pessimistic person or watever you want i dont care...i dont give a damn...i dont care and dont wanna know...rite now i dont feel like talking to anybody though actually i really need somebody beside me now..somebody to talk some sense into me or just be here by my side and make me smile again...i definitely know who that person is but i'm pretty sure he too,is tired of me whining of how unhappy i am...of how things are always good for other people and how Mr. Good Luck hates me...he'd probably say i'm talking nonsense...well yes I am talking nonsense i'm pretty aware of that... sigh~~ and whoa!!do you realize how many times i...
9/17....a year and a month ago...exactly on this date..
500 am - i was crying dengan mak atas katil..telling her how much i'm gonna miss her and everybody.
530 am - banglang n kak shida,bangah and kakngah and my princesses and princes sampai umah...tak lame lepas tu edd n ain sampai umah..sume nak antar aku pegi airport..and aku tak abes2 lagi sedey..
600 am - on my way to airport..still not believing i'm leaving my beloved country and everything behind...to pursue my cite2..haha..ade cite2 nak jadi engineer ker aku ni??
700 am - sampai airport..arrived to see shah and syuk were there waiting for me..hehe..cuak2 sket sebab ade edd and datang lagi sorang laks..siap kasik aku bear pooh..haha..cant tell you how gelabah i was that time...
800 am - tak tau nak rase aper..sedey ker tak ker..wat ever i'm feeling pun..one thing for sure i'll be leaving in less than 2 hrs..so sedey ke tak ke tak gune...tried to enjoy the time i have with my family...
i dunno wat to write for today's entry..nothing interesting happen today..bosan as usual..been listening to mariah carey's thank god i found you since i got back from school..that's since 5pm.it's the only song in my playlist rite now and it's been repeating since aku bukak winamp...hehe crazy me...dont care..slept at 4 last nite trying to finish my COCO and chinese HW..sakit mata siapkan HW..but then found out i can write a few chinese charaters without refering to the textbook..cool eh...cam sket2 aku ley tulis dah la..cam.."ni shi zhongguoren ma?" then reply die."bu,wo bu shi zhongguoren"..tu pinyin..chinese character pun insyaallah aku reti sket2..hehe..sronot la jugak..physics bosan..lab bosan sebab susah..got to study la next week physics test..this khamis COCO quiz...aisyoh bery2 bz...
havent seen him for today..bz lah masing2...baru 3rd week sekolah.. sigh ~~
Thank God I Found You I would give up everything Before I'd separate myself from you After so much suffering I finally found unvarnished truth I was all by myself for the longest time, so cold inside And the hurt from the heartache would not subside I felt like dying, until you saved my life Thank God I found you I was lost without you My every wish and every dream Somehow became reality When you brought the sunlight Completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you I would give you everything There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do To ensure your happiness I'll cherish every part of you Because without you beside me I can't survive Don't wanna try If you're keeping me warm each and every night I'll be all right See I was so desolate before you came to me Looking back I guess it shows that we were destined to shine After the rain to appreciate the gift of what we have And I'll go through it ...
ola...aku tak pergi COCO hari ni..got headache one then i didnt go to school..anyways,sat gi nak siap2 pergi sekolah..diff eq..things are getting pretty diffiult now..hmm..aku tetiber sedey bile fikir aku tak balik this winter...takpelah..takde apa pun kan kalau aku tak balik?just that aku macam terkilan jugakla sebab aku dah lame giler plan nak balik winter ni..semua orang pon cam dah tau aku nak balik winter alih2 aku tak balik winter..sedey la jugak..orang yang tanak balik winter tu plaks yang balik..bad things keep happening to me..except for a few things which i'm totally thankful that they happened to me..anyways,i wanna go back..but i dont like living without money..aku tak suke hidup aku sesak takde duit..like..when i wanna spend on sumthing i cant...aku tak suka..thanks a lot to ach for helping me planning my money.. =) sorry eh i cant go back with u this winter?i really want to but cannot la..be missing you nanti..ececce winter tu lambat lagi dah nak i miss u skarang..heh...
ola..hari ni..ape yang aku buat ntah...tak taula..pergi shopping pc..buat planning duit ngan ach..memuler aku rase macam nak balik...last2 aku fikir balik..aku macam tak jadila nak balik..takpela aku takyah balik la..ikut financial status aku..appe yang aku dah plan ngan ach..bole jugak kalau aku nak balik tapi nanti for a few months aku sesak jugakla..aku tak suka la sesak2 ni..saiko aku...act i have some money in savings account but there's no way i'm using it...though now i kinda need that money..but no lah..dont uselah that money..after all it's nothing much kalau aku tak balik kan?survive jela hidup w/o ach or elle or ninie..huhuhu....learn to survive without ach..takpela..aku tak kisah pon..anyways..sekarang aku tgh try wat physics..susahla soklan kali ni..cant help peeking kat solution dier..b4 this aku boleh buat w/o solution but this one difficult laa!!konpius2..i think i'm concentrating too much on physics aku dah abaikan subject lain..y aa??dunno la..actually...
me alone today...ach's enjoying himself with the brothers in six flags..me alone here..struggling with this sakit perut of mine..adoila miss ajan cant u manage one minute without him???????????
me: cannotlah!!!!!!!!
ooo dem demm kat aku tgk movie ape ni..NARC kat rpi movie channel..dem comelnye budak ni...
eh??dah balik???aku tgh update blog aku..sambil bercerite kerinduan..tetiber..tok tok..kat tingkap..ey??cepatnye balik??isy bukan kot??aku pun..bukak blind..and wat i saw..YEAY!!!dah balik ye ye dah balik..panjang umur die...lepas tu dapat prince katak kale pink yang saaaaaaaaannngggggggaaaaaattt comel..lalalala~~~tenkiuuu~~lalala..sukenye~~
ola..today's been an unproductive day..woke up at 9..sepatutnye tak bangun..i planned to sleep back but..alamak..takle tido...kene mandi and clean myself...hehe..then i did my laundry..ingatkan bley laa nak study ke ape ke..dah bangun pagi kan..bley la...tetibe teringat kene call umah today..keluarla berjalan and called mak.then lepas tu..sakit perut tahap dewanye..style tak tahan rase nak tonggeng2 tebalik2 golek2 gulung2 guling2.....sakit gile duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!last2 aku tak larat sangat..abes call mak aku tetido..dalam kol 1030 camtu aku tido..pastu...tadaaaaaaaa aku terbangun balik pukul 530..damn!pekejadahnye tido setengah hari beb??tapi takpe laa dari aku bangun and tak larat nak buat aper2 baik aku tido kan..then balik bilik perut aku dah bunyi2 lapar gile..ngan sakit perut lagi..aku ingat aku kene gastrik la..asyik sakit perut je...isy2..dahla aku dah takle makan pedas2..tak syok aa~~lepas tu tgk home improvement sambil makan nasik..skarnag.aku tgh pk nak buat physics ke tak....
ola..ntah kenapa aku terasa macam aku pissed hari ni..kenapa ye?ntah laa..this is the kinda feeling yang aku selalu rasa kalau aku sangat geram and sangat geram^2 and bretambah geram biler aku takle nak express feelings aku...biler aku takle nak kasi tau semorang yang aku sangat laaaaaaaa marahnyer..dah dua tiga hari jugak aku simpan marah aku ni..takla sbnrnyer dah lame..aku tau bukan aku sorang je marah tapi aku rase aku laa yang paling lame simpan and paling amek berat akan kegeraman aku...takde aa aku kisah sangatkan..kalau aku buat tak tau tade jadi aper la kan..tapi masalah besar dier kan...aku dah tak larat dah nak bear geram aku ni..ntah la aku rase sum people just got lucky that they are unbearably annoying,nerve-wrecking but they are just gifted with some little mittle advantages that they just get away with it..cant take this anymore!!!!!!!!
*************************
"Because You Loved Me"
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through it all
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You ga...
ola...TA diff eq aku ntah ape2 ntah wey!!!!!!!!!!!!penat la aku study sampai kol 2 pagi lepas tu aku pegi union sumer tapi sume tak berkesan!bangang gile TA aku tu!!suwey laa quiz je pon nak kasi susah2..saiko ke aper??math freak ke ape dier tu???saiko saiko bengong!isy ade ke kantoi quiz sebab tak ingat ape integration (1/(1+y^2))..apekah??tak tau bende tu terus la kantoi satu soalan tu terus!bengong~~~
ola...shoot!hari ni aku ponteng kelas duh!!dua2 kelas hari ni aku tak pergi..sebab aper?
pagi tadi aku nak pergi dah..aku dah set jam dah pon..tapi silap aa terluper aku set pukul 9 hari tu..kelas kul 10..tido laks kul 4..sbb aku habeskan sket2 study diff eq..tapi tak tere lagi aku ni...esok quiz pukul 8..matih la aku!!kelas diff eq at 2 pon aku ponteng jugak...aku dah siap dah nak pergi tapi tapi tetibe cam sakit perut style maha dewa...so tak larat nak pergi sekolah...huhuhu...i've just finished reading a friend's blog..damn la sedeynya...dier dah break ngan partner dier..they've been together for quite some time jugak if i'm not mistaken..sure sedih..partner dia tu aku rase kuat jeles..anyways aku tak berapa kenal sangat this friend of mine so aku tanak la cakap lelebey..just that..aku kesian sangat kat dia...from the blog aku dapat rasa dier sangat sayangkan partner dia tu..and dia tak boleh terima yang they're not together anymore..sedey la jugak kan..dalam al...
hmm..hari ni lepak ngan ellias kat union...biasa la kan kalau lepak ngan ellias tu takle lepas la dari cerita2 politik dier tu...hehe..not exactly politic pon..ala style dier cakap tu macam politician..tak larat2..anyways,cerita2 pasal future la mostly..about ellias and his plans..well i have to say his future is well-planned...satu satu dier plan...sampaikan wedding package pun mamat tu dah surf..dier gi surf pasal catering kat mandarin hotel kalau nak wat kawin kat situ..satu kepala ade la 90 ringgit +tax satu kepala........dier budget 300 orang so 27000..tu pasal dier surf lepas tu risau sekarang kene carik duit nak kawen dah sbb kawen mahal..gile2..pastu..siap carik wedding band kat ebay,ngan wedding ring utk wife dier nanti..tak paham aku mamat tu..in a way,bagus la dia dah fikir pasal future..memang la nak kawen lagi 4 tahun kat at least,tapi takkan lagi setahun nak kawen baru nak carik duit kan?tak sempat la kot??hmm tabik la jugak mamat tu...then lepak kat umah ninie sampai mal...
PART I - A DISCOVERY ABOUT ME AND MY STYLE
aku rasa laa kan..baru skarang laaa aku paham ape ninie rasa kat budiman dulu..camne bile ninie kate dier takle takde budiman,dier mmg loyal ngan budiman,camne dier nak kawen ngan budiman,camne elle sayang hazrat,and camne semorang bley claim " aku sayang gila boyfren aku..aku takle hidup kalau dier tinggalkan aku..aku nak kawen ngan bf aku"..hahaha...satu mase dulu bile aku dgr orang kate camtu..aku kate.."wat the heck ko nak sayang orang sampai camtu skali??jangan...karang dier tinggalkan kau kan merane..sayang dier cam 70% je,jangan lebey2..jangan caya dier sangat..caya 70% je,yang lain tu kasik kat diri sendiri..."muahaha..pastu aku ley cakap laks tu.."takpe aku tak kisah bf aku date orang lain..takpe,aku tak jeles,pegilaa..aku tau dier sayang aku..aku percaya kat dier...pegi la date kuar makan2 tgk movie dua orang..aku tak kisah...kalau dier sayang aku dier tak lari derr.."rupanya2 aku memang tak jeles...an...
hari ni sangat la tak best..malam tadi aku takle tido...asyik2 jaga every one hour..sedey aku..pastu bangun pagi kene pegi kelas..tensi...lepas tu kat kelas aku tak paham aper laks tu..paham la sket2..tapi perut lapar aku malas dah nak concentrate..saiko saiko...sekarang kepala aku sangat laa peningnyer sebab aku rase aku tak tido la malam tadi...lepas tu tadi dalam kelas aku sangat laa kepanasan hati aku menahan sumtin...lepas tu perut aku bunyi2 sebab lapar and sangat lapar laaaaa....balik from COCO aku pergi lib terus makan croissant..saiko...aku lapar!!!lsekarang dalam bilik tunggu nasik masak and aku still lapar..siap rase cam nak makan megi dulu sblm nasik masak..huhu saiko kan aku ni??dah laaa aku kasik email kat umah tade saper reply..penat aku tulis pepanjang tade saper reply..aku benci betul..suruh aku mail kasik update tapi tanak reply email aku..kalo aku ade duit aku beli ler phonecard..dah tade duit..huhu..tensi nyer aku nih!!
sedih sangat...sedey ke bengang ke aku pun tak tau...memula aku bengang..tapi sampai skarang pun aku bengang..aku tak kate pun takde otak...takyah aaaaaaaa nak kasar2 ngan aku sampai camtu skali..tau la aku cam tak satu level ketere-an ngan die tapi takyah aa sampai camtu skali kalau tanak terima cakap aku...tak kisah pun kalau tanak terima...adatla aku cakap pape pun takkan semua bende kene terima...tapi cara tanak terima tu cam berhemah la kan..kalau cakap ngan kengkawan biasa takpe la..salah ke pun kalau aku nak ingatkan je???mane laa tau kan kalau tak perasan ke,tak sedar ke,tak nampak ke,sume pun bley jadi...kalau perasan camne sampai ley langgar snow??so tak sume manusia perfect kan...sedih aku..pagi2 terantuk kepala,lepas tu kene sound..tade laa nak kate aku ni sensitif,ye aa kot aku sensitip..tapi bukannye aku saje...aku rase sesaper yang kene pun akan terasa kalau kene sound sedirect tu....cam aku ni tade otak je..sorila kan kalau rase cam aku ni mengade ngade ke takle kene so...
woke up at 12...tatau kenaper tapi rasa macam nak tido lelamer..hehe...pergi housewarming stackwyck..everybody was there...cool...soto and meehoon sedap..bergedel superb...teringin nak makan lagi...hehe..kudos to ninie and siti...sekarang aku dekat stackwyck...tido bilik elle..pakai laptop elle juge..sbnrnyer..main point aku hari ni is..nak luahkan ketakpuas-hatian aku kat orang2 yang suke bzbody hal orang..ntah kenaper..tak tau aku kenaper ade dalam dunia ni makhluk yang bzbody macam tu...dah besar dah tapi..tapi kenaper laa brain dier tu tak cukup matang and tak cukup besar utk sedar yang bzbody hal orang tu tak bawak kemaner...aku serius tak puas hati..tapi aku takle aa nak cakap outloud and sound je..1st-aku memang tak berani and aku memang bukan type yang nak kasik tau terus kalo aku tak puas hati..senang cite,aku simpan dalam nye type.tapi aku pernah dgr orang kate aku laser,which i was surprised to know..haha.. 2nd-aku takde bukti pon nak pi sound..kang buatnyer tak betul..na...