"maam, can i have a cheese of slice?"

I'm stupid.. smack me in the head really hard.
Please.
I'm so freaking stupid.

anyways, first exams are never my best ones. i ALWAYS screw up ALL of my first exams of the semester, then i'd gradually buck up. But the thing is the education system here doesnt allow that. The system requires one to excel all the time. Constant hardwork is not my cup of coffee. Homeworks doesnt help that much either. Once i've screwed up, in my case pretty badly, the chances to get an A are reduced to, hmm, almost 10 percent. Even if i managed to get a 100 for one exam, there's still no hope of getting an A. Well, even if there is, I'd have to get a perfect score in the finals, which is quite an impossible feat.
That is why i prefer studying in other place yang final grade dia taken based on one final exam. Less pressure for me.

At this particular moment, i feel like slamming my head into the wall of my room and knock myself out.

for the umpteenth time of my life, i'm feeling suicidal. But yea, i'll get over it tomorrow.

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