Ajan the Businesswoman?

I love my job. Seriously. Although I don’t get to go to Dubai like Mate or Texas like Laney (saye jealous ni), but I get to go important (or so I thought) meetings and be part the of the drafting committee for a national industrial masterplan. And I get to attend (and organize) meetings chaired by the PM and Ministers. Eceh perasan important.

Occasionally, I also get to listen to experts and brilliant people talk at conventions and seminars, for free, when other people had to pay, sometimes thousands for it. I'd like to consider that as a perk of my job. I had listened to Raja Nazrin, Tan Sri Lim Kok Wing, marketing guru Hermawan Kartajaya, Dato Sri Shazalli and the likes. Some talks are boring, some interesting but easily forgotten and some left me inspired.

Couple of days ago, I was lucky to be a part of the secretariat for a convention organised by the office. They managed to get 9 lady entrepreneurs, including Tiara Jacquelina, Winnie Loo of a A Cut Above, Helen Read of Ms. Read and Julia Chong of TLC Sdn. Bhd. gave talks about how they made it, their secrets (work-life balance and aim high!), their challenges and motivations.

At the end of the day, I walked out of the hall inspired. I want to be like them. Pretty with nice bod, successful and most importantly, filthy rich. I want to be able to give my children the best things out there, education, food, clothes, semua2lah. But they also left me in doubt of myself. If you wanna know, I suffer from the low-self esteem syndrome. Really. I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a businesswoman, if I have the perseverance that’s required to be like them. I don’t know if I am strong enough.

But Ach said, the doubts are because those are the parts of me that have never been tested. Cuba dululah, baru tau. But I have never been much of a risk-taker. Kalau try, dah spend duit and what not, tak jadi, kan ke rugi? It’s not like I have that much money to spare. I would take the risk, if I have heaps of money that I won’t notice if they’re gone.

I really am interested in opening my own business. In what, tak tau. Imagine all the things I could do if I made it. Huge house with huge kitchen with an island in it? Check. Cuti2 disneyworld for kimi and siblings? Check. Private school? Check. Hantar mak pegi haji lagi sekali? Dua kali? Hantar adik beradik sekali? Check. The independence I would get? Oh heaven.

On the other hand, imagine the sacrifices I’d have to make along the way. Time for family, myself, friends. Money. Privacy. I can’t have kimi growing up with the maid? Or have the maid cook for ach??? NO EFFIN WAY.

I guess this current interest will in the end just fade away. I will continue to work with the government and continue to admire (and envy) the ladies who make it… But I will also be happy with what I have. An adorable son, a loving husband, a roof over my head and enough money to buy myself mocha lattes whenever I want to. =)

Alhamdulillah.