Ramblings of a Mami of Two

Scenario One I was driving home from Mak's, with Hadi in the backseat. Having skipped breakfast, I was famished and all I could think of was McD's fish fillet. So we made a detour at  McD, ordered my food, got hadi his sundae cone and myself a nice large meal set, with a nice, large soda.  Now, we have thought our children that soda is evil. In fact, Ach has avoided soda for close to two years now, and we always make it a habit to switch soda with ice lemon tea at the fast food joints. This time however because I was so hungry I didn't even care to switch. So coke it is.  Hadi instinctively reached out for the soda, and screamed , "no! No! That's air manis. You don't take air manis!" "Ok Mami". Minutes  later after enjoying my twister fries I reached for the soda and before I could take a sip, Hadi said,  "Mami, Kalau Saya tak boleh minum Mami pun tak boleh minum lah!" True, my boy, true. Which is why I always go ...

To be honest, that is a question that no working mother should have to answer. Well hello there, it's been ages! My last post was on 14 June 2017. A year and a half ago. So, so, so, many things have happened since then. In one a half year, I had battled with depression, fought suicidal thoughts, got promoted, in fact, promoted twice (almost!), performed umrah, discovered a whole new me, found out that I love being a boss while at the same time scared of the power it gave me. So, so, so many things happened that as a result, I believe, I am no longer the same person I was a year and a half ago.  Now where was I?  I haven't written for so long that I now find it very difficult to articulate myself. Writing Instagram captions for my children's birthdays feels like an uphill task nowadays that I often resort to " No words can describe how much I love you, baby " because, 1) no words can truly capture my feelings for my children and 2) while I never was a ...

...since the last goodbye. I am not sure if I have made you proud. I am not sure if I have helped you much since you've passed. I am not even sure if I have taken care of my mother as good as I should.  I am not sure if I have led my life as you want it for me.  I am not even sure if I have moved on from being that daddy's little girl. I am not sure if I think of you as often as I should.   I have two kids now. If you were around, I am quite sure you will not heran much for my two boys. You'd love them, I know, but you know, I don't think you'd take them out for rides every evening. They are your 13th and 16th, after all. I don't mind, seriously. Bah, 16 years is a long, long time, Bah. Every 1st Syawal, on the first takbir, I would cry because I miss you. Every Syawal since you left.  I am now a grown woman, Bah. No longer the girl that you used to pick up from school, the one you send to extra classes at night. No longer the girl that you vi...

One day when he woke up, he walked to me and said, "Mami, ayah tu garang. Tak suka senyum. Mami je baik, tak garang." Mimpi apa kamu nak? 

So last week I made these Japanese Milk Bread , for the 3rd AND the 4th time. I made one loaf Saturday, took me 3 hours from kneading to proofing to taking it out from the oven. 3/4 of the loaf was gone in 10 mins and Kimi was raving about it.  "Mami, roti mami tu, boleh jual mami! Makan macam tu je pun sedap tak payah sapu apa-apa!" "Mami, roti mami dah habis. Buat lagi please."  "Mami, lepas ni tak payah beli roti dekat kedai lagi." High on cloud 9, I obliged and made another loaf on Sunday, using my new loaf pan. 3 hours later, 3/4 loaf was gone just like that.  Oh Kimi honey, you have no idea how much you've brighten up my day, sayang! Bake hari hari pun takpe!  (only that I have run out of bread flour and it isn't easy to find them where we live). 

Hadi, kalau siang ada apa? Sun . Malam? Hantu duyan . Note: Hantu duyan in Hadi-speak is zombie. Or any hantu, actually. 

1. Don't smoke. If you've started, stop immediately. "If you could see me now, I'm down on my poor, crackling knees begging you to at least consider stopping smoking," writes Quora user Cyndi Perlman Fink. It’s expensive, smells gross, and is 100% guaranteed to cause health problems. Want to be cancer-free at 50? Stop smoking. 2. Stop eating crap. "You can make a lot of money in 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s,...90s to buy the whole world when you are at age 50 or beyond," writes Quora user Sireesha Chilakamarri.  "But, you cannot buy your health. Give up on fast food right now at age 30." 3. Maintain (or repair) relationships with parents and siblings. carbonnyc "...Chances are you've come across ideas and changed in ways that mean you don't see eye to eye with them on many issues. But then - that's part of what a family can help with - to learn to get along with people you don't agree with on many issues," ...